I do? I do. Marriage and Social Media

Facebook post reads, “I am so unhappy right now! I feel like the world is on my shoulders and I have no one to help. This sucks!”

This woman had a bad day at WORK. She’s also married.

She comes home and her husband tells her he wants her to remove the post. “But why? I was just venting about a bad day at work! What’s the big deal?”

He asks, “How do you think that makes me look?” The wife ponders for a moment and realizes what her husband is talking about.

I have to admit that marriage and social media etiquette is something I’ve known about for a long time. I’d often counsel my married friends on how certain posts looked… Such things can be easily interpreted as “trouble in paradise”  whether it’s true or not.

You’d be surprised at how many people are out there just WAITING for something to go wrong in your relationship. And if they don’t know what’s going on in your relationship, they’ll assume.

You may be thinking, “OK. Why is this MY problem?” Well, it should be your concern for a few reasons:

1) You are a representative of your marriage. If people knew where you worked and you wrote a post that gives the impression you hate the company you work for… That assumption may cause trouble for you at work as it would in your marriage.
2) As a representative of your marriage, you can’t willingly give people a reason to find a “weakness” and prey on your feelings or your spouse’s feelings.
3) Advertising unhappiness in such a way gives people the impression that you are unhappy and possibly available.

And NEVER EVER share problems in your marriage with your social media audience. Once it’s out there and people have seen it, it has potential to be in people’s minds forever. No one has a place in your marriage but you and your spouse. No one should ever have “intel” on your marriage. The more information people have, the more they can meddle and play on insecurities that YOU have made available to them.

Am I suggesting that you spot check posts with your spouse? Absolutely not. You do, however, have to be very mindful of the information you put out there. The reality is that you represent TWO people now, not just one. And that union is worthy of your attention and protection.

As always, thank you for reading, “I do? I do.”

Watch this hilarious clip on how social media can destroy relationships for the overly sensitive.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qTwwuIn9inE

I do? I do. What do I have to do to get a husband?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

I was 40 years old on my wedding day. Many people thought that I would die an “old maid”. I got looks from people like, “Oh you poor, single thing!” Some of the things I’d heard had gotten worse over the years. They include:

“What do you think you’re doing wrong?”… “You better hurry up and get married before you’re 35 because if you don’t, men will think you’re a lesbian and never approach you.”… Then I was bombarded with,  “If you cook more, clean more, withhold sex but dangle sex in front of his face, read Steve Harvey’s ‘Think Like a Man’, lose weight, wear better clothes, wear more makeup, get a relaxer in your hair, try to be like his mother, etc., etc.”

In other words, do ANYTHING but be yourself. By the time I turned 35, I was so frustrated, I thought I just wasn’t marriage material. So what do you do?

I didn’t have many relationships, but I put my all into the ones I did have. And I always seemed to come up short. I went through a period of devastation that not many knew about. I had resigned myself to the “fact” that I would be alone. But even in that acceptance, there was a deep and lonely pain that I felt the need to cover up. The scarier thought I had, that I had never shared with another person… is that maybe I just wasn’t good enough for someone to marry.

The HUGE mistake I made, that I don’t want other women to make, is that I fell out of love with myself. I was more concerned with loving someone else than loving myself. I didn’t want to be miserable, though. So I started on a quest to fall back in love with ME.

I stopped dating for close to 2 years. My son, Charlie, made me fall in love with myself again. I didn’t want him to grow up with a woman who hated herself. Just being a mother, a single mother, showed me what I was made of… strength, determination and a huge capacity to love. I had so much love in my heart, that I actually had some left over for myself. I was fulfilled in my life just the way it was.
When my husband and I began to date. He loved me just as I was. I didn’t have to prove anything to him. I had never been in a relationship where it was totally and completely OK to just be ME.

So how do you get a husband? The old adage is true. “A watched pot never boils.” But more importantly, you have to love yourself… ALONE. You do NOT have to change yourself to get a man. You are perfect to the person you are compatible with. And that’s what it really comes down to… timing and compatibility. That’s it. Be YOU. YOU are enough. And when he finds you, he’ll know it, too.

As always, thank you for reading “I do? I do.”

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-11-09-delayed-marriage_N.htm
(Statistics on people marrying later…)

I do? I do. The wedding’s over. Now what?

“I’S MARRIED NOW!!!!”

I remember it like it was only yesterday. We had been on our honeymoon for 8 days and 7 nights in San Juan, Puerto Rico. We had a great time. The honeymoon location was a surprise. When we got there my husband took me on a surprise shopping spree at the mall and booked a private, 6-hour Caribbean cruise for us.

Prior to the wedding, I had many anxieties about whether or not our day was going to be ruined by one missed, minor detail. I even worried about tripping over my dress, falling on my face and smearing lipstick on my wedding gown. I was just a big ball of nerves. The honeymoon relaxed me. It was like a reset button was pressed.

On our flight back, I remember thinking to myself, “What now?” We had only been together about a year and our wedding took 8 months to plan. Honestly, I wondered what I’d do now that the wedding was over.  What would I do now that I didn’t have to address envelopes, look for shoes, look for jewelry, etc?

Once we got home, we basked in the light of being newlyweds. I’d wake up every morning and look at him and just think, “You are really lucky.” My husband and I would just look at each other and smile. It was really cute!

It really dawned on me that I am MARRIED. One of my challenges was giving up my role as the sole decision maker. I had to adjust to the fact that decisions I made affected more than just myself when I had my son. It was different, though. I was in control of everything because I am a parent. Of course, things are much different when you are a WIFE.

I was a single mom for a very short period of time. In that time, I’d learned to become very self-reliant. When things needed to be done, I wasn’t used to asking for help. One day it was snowing outside. I got up early, got dressed and got the shovel. My husband ran to the door and said, “What are you doing?” I told him I was shoveling the snow. He smiled and said, “No, no, no. My wife doesn’t HAVE to shovel snow.” With a sigh of relief I handed him the shovel and went back inside to prepare breakfast.

I wasn’t used to that kind of treatment. Marriage, while wonderful, is definitely an adjustment. It takes some work. However, I believe it’ll be the best job I’ll ever have. 🙂
I have attached an article entitled, “10 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Married”. My husband and I went through each step and made plans for each challenge mentioned. Hopefully we will skip most, if not ALL of them. I have to say there are a lot of things here I never considered. So check it out and let me know what you think! And as always, thank you for reading “I do? I do.”

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14909/10-things-nobody-tells-you-about-being-married.html